It is hard to know what kinds of things I would have painted
as a child. However, I believe that the primacy of sight ultimately determined
the path I would follow. Although the journey was anything but straight, I came
to believe that at any given moment the world is already composed. In thinking of
life, a line from William Wordsworth’s poem, “The Rainbow” comes to mind, “The
Child is father of the Man.”
Because I am primarily a visual person, memory takes me back
to a time that could precede speech. I remember the neon sputter of a sign in
the night when I was two. To the surprise of my mother, I could describe our
apartment over the drugstore years later. I remember my baby sister Kim coming
home from the hospital when I was not quite three. I remember snowflakes that I
caught in a pot, and the pleasure of digging in the dirt come summertime. A
highway drive, gloomy skies, and an A & W Root Beer sign occupy early
childhood memories. There was the body of a great lake long before I knew the
name Ontario. I remember grandparents, the scent of tobacco, and the sound of
small boats on the bay. Even now, the faint sound of a lawnmower recalls a
Canadian infancy.
Painting became a conscious thought when I was five. I was
with my father. We stopped to look at a yard sale of landscape paintings. That’s
when I realized that seeing was something that could physically be described.
But because what I saw was a small sampling of what a landscape could be, without
knowing it, my vision ended up being restricted. The possibility of painting
routine scenes from Division Street receded with seeing paintings devoted to
the depiction of pristine nature. That is the problem with art. It is difficult
to conceptualize painting without first seeing a canvas covered in paint. But
once you know what painting is presumed to be, that information has a habit of
shutting down the thought process. Knowledge can mean freedom, but it can also
be a trap. Once a narrative is set, it can be extremely difficult to see beyond
the plot.
I outgrew my Green Card long ago. If I’d had the skills of a
portrait painter, I would have made a large painting based on its tattered
history. However, because my knowhow was driven by the lift of earth and sky,
my desire to embrace the challenge of a self-portrait remained just a fantasy.
Something began to shift for me, when my brother Steve shot an image of me
standing by a highway sign outside of Holden, Utah. The photograph became part
of a beautiful catalog designed and compiled by Cheryl Vogel, entitled Lloyd Brown: Framing America.
The bookend nature of the painting appealed to me. The two
views, with a gaze back to an age when I’d already decided to become an artist,
through to a time when I’d lived much of that life made the depiction less
about me individually, and more about what it means to grow up seeing. Even
though painting people was completely out of my domain, the double
self-portrait was something I wanted to confront. In my mind’s eye, I immediately
saw the shape and structure. Although, it didn’t include the rendition of a
faded paper cup, a vision of a highly polished column roughly the same shape
stood in its place. It is only natural that an abandoned paper cup should fill
that position, a division in time separating man and child. While it might be a
great framing device, the separation created by the discarded cup could also be
continuum. When it comes to the joy of seeing, the things that please me now
are the same things that thrilled me as a child. However, I didn’t draw or
paint most of those things, because as I explained earlier, they didn’t fall within
the canon of what was worthy of art. Landscaping painting was a specific kind
of seeing. It didn’t include most of what the outside had to offer. I had to
enjoy the rocks, the weeds, and the weathered remains of tossed off packaging
by myself. But, the secret thrill of seeing beauty in the insignificant bits of
travel made walking to school an extremely fun thing to do.
While it’s not difficult to abhor litter, and admit that the
planet would be better off without it, I can’t help but see a kind of history
behind each piece of degraded paper, broken glass, or tossed off plastic. They
are manifestations of life choices, triumphs and decay scattered within the
bunching of ever present weeds. Even under the pressure of a highly offensive
wind, a rolling paper cup can become blocked by a thicket of tall grass, or
become encrusted in a substance no longer bearing any resemblance to mud
weathering away into a mystery cup, where a fast food logo, completely undone
by the sun sustains a dying refrain, “OF THE GREAT AMERICAN BURGER.”
As a two year old, life remained largely undefined. Without
the framework of gender, race, church or state, there was no separation between
me and being. Meaning was a thing unto itself. It didn’t require God or
belonging to see wonder and significance. Perhaps, remembering those early
impressions led me to object to the compositional take, which eliminated so much
of what I saw everyday on my way to college. However, the need for that
procedure didn’t seem to bother anyone else.
It took me years to fully understand what the compositional
problem was. The paintings we base our concepts on didn’t come from
observations of the countryside. In the beginning, it was Biblical and mythical
figures that took the stage. Events from literature are happenings that we can’t
witness. Story sourced paintings can’t emerge without an arrangement of models
and props, or without relying entirely on imagination. Either way, composition
comes into play. Paint that way long enough, and the methods become rules,
which begin to shape the way we see everything around us. They can even persuade
us to rearrange items placed on a table, so that a salt shaker or glass can
have the prominence that a Greek goddess would hold. The layout of everyday living
stops being a thing we want to see. The notion of having a dominant object
applied to observations of a countryside seems like a very curious thought. Why
should the act of positioning, a consideration equivalent to the placement of king
or prophet be a thing needed to capture the abundance of pasture? The need for focal
points seems to defeat the freedom that the open spaces are supposed to offer.
Although I’ve painted landscapes without the aid of staging
for more than three decades, I’m not entirely at odds with those that choose to
use composition. Because the domain of observation always exceeds me, I don’t
apply the needs of hierarchy to a horizon that will continue on long after I’m
gone. However, since not everything I paint is a situation or place that can be
observed, I must also sometimes rely on composition. This piece is a good
example of that. It is impossible for me to see separate events in my life side
by side. The visualization of that requires some kind of staging. While “The Child
is father of the Man,” the adult rendering of me comes first in this painting,
because we cannot see the future. We can dream, which I did as a child; but we can
only evaluate the impact of our imaginings by looking back in time. The landscape
paintings I grew into come from who I was as a child. What I could not have known,
when I saw those paintings at the age of five was how long it would take to get
to a place, where landscape painting could embrace the wonder I beheld in the very
beginning. When I’m on the highway, the connections can be so strong, that the outlines
of humanity simply begin to slip away. When you begin to feel a part of
everything you see, what could be more sacred than the refrain of an open
highway?
The Rainbow
My heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the
sky:
So was it when my life began;
So is it now I am a man;
So be it when I shall grow old,
Or let me die!
The Child is father of the Man;
And I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety.
William Wordsworth 1807